dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
