You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
