You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
