I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
