I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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