when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
