If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
