when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
