I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
