im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
