mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
