I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think your dad took our porno
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
