I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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