I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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