he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
