i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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