i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
