We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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