i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize