i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
