insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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