i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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