I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
