I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found the puke drawer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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