That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
