A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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