So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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