Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
