She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
