remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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