And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
