Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cockslap morals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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