Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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