I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
