omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
