i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
