ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
