girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
