Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
