...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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