Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
