i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
