I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there is glitter all over my balls
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