Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
