I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
