I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
