I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
