I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
