I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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