how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
