I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
