We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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