So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
