you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
