do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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