i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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