I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
