i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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