Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
