so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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