Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You ruined the universe
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
