Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize