oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
