Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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