Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
