Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
