i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
