can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
