a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
