you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is my gift to your gina
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
