a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
