he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize