if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
