I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
