Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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