Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
