My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
